Written: Monday, December 3, 2018
We, my wife and I, put up the Christmas tree and the outside lights on Saturday. On Sunday, after the 90th birthday celebration of the woman I consider my second mother, my wife continued putting out and arranging the Christmas decorations and now the house looks Christmassy.
It is now not even noon on Monday, and I plugged in the lights to the Christmas tree, and I arranged the chairs so that I can sit facing the festive Yuletide tree to ponder and write about it, to learn from it and share my thoughts, if only with these pages and the ink I scribble upon them.
We did not put the tree up last year, as throughout December we were gone, to Sacramento, to Missouri, and New York to have a Christmas dinner and a Christmas time and gift exchange with each of our daughters and their families – a unique experience for us, the first time visiting all of them in December, and the first time since we have been married – forty years – that we did not have a Christmas tree up in our home. I told my wife that if we travel again like that, we should still decorate a bit, at least have something small up – maybe just a small Christmas tree.
So this year, since all of our daughters and their families will be here at some time for Christmas, we put up the tree and other inside decorations, and I risked life and limb to get up on a 6 foot ladder to string up the outside lights – appearing like icicles hanging down with lots of bright little lights – all along the front of the house. My wife said this was the last year I was going to do that, as we probably won’t do that next year because in our minds – and hearts – we will visit them all again during December. Also, she said I wasn’t always steady on my feet anymore which is true, and I am cautious now where my feet are concerned, especially when I take my walks around the neighborhood at home, and also when in New York, especially going down the rush hour stairs towards the crowded subway stations.
But, of course, the biggest difference we have this year from the last time we put up the tree and lights in 2016, was that we did not have our two grandsons helping us to decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving which they had for at least three years previous, for us, a wonderful growing family tradition. My daughter and son-in-law and all five grandchildren came over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner – I always made the turkey with a huge amount of traditional bread stuffing using my parent’s recipe, the same stuffing I made for our family when the girls were growing up, that my daughter loved and insisted upon for Thanksgiving, and that I loved and feasted on as a boy. After the late afternoon Thanksgiving feast, we would all go out to a movie, and then the boys would stay overnight while the rest of the family went home.
In the morning after breakfast – maybe McDonald’s, maybe the pancakes my wife made especially for them, sometimes both – the boys would help get the tree down from the garage top storage, and bring in all the boxes of decorations. We listened to a variety of Christmas music, had cups of tea or hot chocolate with as many miniature marshmallows as the overflowing cups would allow, and the boys helped us decorate the tree and the rest of the house, with my wife, their grandma, just humming and glowing. And outside, under my direction, they strung up the outside Christmas lights, which my wife and I greatly appreciated. For lunch, for the grandsons, I gladly made them as much Kraft’s Mac N’ Cheese as they wanted, and my wife would heat up mashed potatoes, turkey and the stuffing, all leftovers from Thanksgiving, the day before, and, if there were any left, she also brought out the exquisite soft doughy rolls she always made for Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas – using my mom’s recipe for these family famous rolls.
It was a good time, a treasured time, which we had not expected to end, as we just assumed our grandchildren and the family would always be here near us, but that did not happen, things changed, work and family circumstances changed, and they all moved to Missouri from where my son-in-law was from originally.
And for us, with these times and events ending, we lost something very precious and good. For this was a more deeply felt loss than when we officially became empty-nesters, as this change was so abrupt, so sudden and unexpected. For us, becoming empty-nesters had been gradual and appropriate in a proper time over at least seven years – but here it was instantly losing everyone at once, without warning really, and suddenly we were left to decorate for Christmas just on our own, which we did in a fashion, but the hole still remains, for nothing has replaced it or filled this particular tearing in the fabric of our lives.
This year, as we were decorating the tree on Saturday, I sent a photo of the Christmas tree decoration in progress out with a text message to our two grandsons, “We are thinking of you both today. We are looking forward to having you here at Christmas time. We love you both!”
The younger texted back, “I wish we were there helping!” I texted back, “Oh, so do we! We would make you some nice hot chocolate and lots of Mac N’ Cheese!”
He texted back two big happy faces!
For their Sunday message the next day to both of my grandsons, I added photos of the Christmas tree lit and the outside lights on. Part of my text message to both read, “As you can see, I have attached two photos, one of the Christmas tree that we put up yesterday and the other of the lights outside that would have been a lot easier putting up with you and your brother’s help. As we worked around the house with the Christmas decorations, we talked about and remembered the times that you were here to help us decorate the house and just how nice those times were.”
The older texted back later on Sunday, “I miss you too. Your house looks very good. Love you. Looking forward to seeing you.”
Memories and past events can still encourage and strengthen, even if those times and events are broken or gone or even painful, for the human spirit, as God has given us, is resilient and alive and hopeful, and within those hearts and souls bent towards God, our spirit is always seeking for life and love and happiness within the grace of God, whether we understand that or not. And in the goodness of God, He uses these times, events, and issues of our past to bless and restore us, and bind us to others and to Himself, always lifting our eyes from just the past, to the circle of blessing of the now, and to the future and the hope of eternal life and peace that rests upon the horizon of the Kingdom of God.
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I can feel your connection and love for your grandkids in this post.